I defy anyone to say that life has been easy and that doubt or fear has never sat on their shoulder screaming in their ear. But for those feeling low, uninspired, withdrawn, and lonely, especially at this time of the year when the media shoves down our throats what the end of December should be like and how amazing the New Year will be. Full of celebrations and socializing, full of laughter, love, fun, and things to strive towards. From a dark place, this is almost impossible and far from the reality being lived. How long must we stay in a place of despair or fear? Maybe for some, it's in a state of panic or stress and unable to operate and function correctly. Fallen so deeply inwards and down that dark almost familiar hole, that even getting out of bed can be an incredible and daunting feat. Fear of even opening the curtains, unable to muster up the energy to feed themselves. Almost becoming comfortable with this uncomfortable feeling. Like a welcomed unwanted guest at a party. Acknowledging their presence, yet saying nothing so as to not make a scene. Desperately not making eye contact to attract their attention. Avoidance.
We have all been there at a said party and witnessed something similar. And yet we are all guilty of not understanding exactly why this person is acting this way.
What circumstances got them to this point?
Are we guilty of not wanting to listen?
Or are we guilty of not wanting another person's energy piled on top of ours, tipping us over too?
There is no right or wrong answer here. We are not here to fix everyone. We are here to be in a place where we are free to live with choices and have the mindset of a child's imagination. Unchained and unrestricted. Enjoying the simplicities of life.
Racism, hate, and judgment are taught and influenced by those around us. How readily society presents and delivers its venomous and often wrong label, so spitefully pinned onto their subject.
Having the skill and courage to hear such comments and dismiss them is something we should all be aiming for.
A comment flung our way only has weight if the receiver allows that opinion any value.
This blog is to offer those struggling a glimmer of hope and to know that you are not alone.
Having that dark mental state where we are being swallowed and pulled down into a place of uncertainty and doubt, questioning everything we value and believe.
It might have been only a few triggers or simply a complete overwhelm of small stuff stacking up and appearing impossible to solve. It's where we are in our coping capacity level at that moment in time and how we respond and react that can influence what happens next.
You might be thinking, 'how does life become like this?' That's a million-dollar question I'm sure.
So many circumstances or events lead us to where we are right now. Some lessons are sent to try us and others may be down to ill-judged choices, or, some simply down to being in the wrong place at the wrong time. None of us know what life will throw at us. Anything in the past is exactly that, it's in the past. We cannot change it, but we can certainly learn from it.
Overthinking or even a bad night's sleep from overthinking can be enough to tip the balance.
Anyone who says they have their shit together is fortunate, for life will surely challenge and change that at some point. Nothing is set and perfect. Everything evolves and changes.
We have to adapt and go with the flow right?
This is a sensitive subject and everyone will react and respond differently, so giving an answer is impossible. To give an overview response is all I can do here. Yet although I can possibly guess that those who really need to read this right now, are not in a good place and won't even engage on social media or this website. Shutting down and pulling away from society, not even reacting to texts from friends or family. Feeling even more isolated and vulnerable. Compounding the feelings you already have. Enlikening it to your very own dimmer switch, slowly turning it down.
Please don't think this is a bad thing. Closing down and dimming the light is exactly what you need to do at this moment in time, conserving your energy and recovering.
It's healing and this is a positive. So keep this in mind if and next time you are drawn back into a dark place mentally.
Try and flip any negative thinking .... in these situations, always look for 3 positive alternatives.
It takes time and a committed choice, but you will begin to feel the benefits.
For example, if you were climbing a steep mountain, you would naturally stop frequently and rest. Giving yourself permission to breathe and pause. To keep going would most likely cause you to become exhausted and collapse. You are at this very moment listening and responding to your body's needs. If you don't you will probably become light-headed and faint. Fall down and without the duress and fatigue, the oxygen will return to your brain as it is no longer fighting against gravity and flowing upwards, you're laying flat on the floor, and you will come back around.
You have been forced to stop.
Self-preservation and survival are hard-wired within us. Becoming aware of the signals and signs that trigger us gives every one of us the upper hand. We have knowledge and experience and are informed and skilled to recognize and deal with the next steps.
This time of year is about giving and receiving. Acknowledging and listening.
So for anyone struggling, please reach out.
You may be amazed by how others will be happy to hear from you.
Maybe they are just unsure of what to say and scared that what they say.
Maybe 'hello .....how are doing?'
This may be all they need to do. Just to listen and allow the person to speak.
What I have learned over the years and from my training is that Coaching isn't about giving answers.
If everyone sends a text or makes a phone call, sending positivity and love to others then we are all healing. A kind heart can be felt across oceans.
Remember, social media isn't how people live their lives.
Everyone needs connection and interaction.
Pick up your phone, it might be exactly what you both need.
A problem shared is a problem halved.
Taking action takes courage, but with it comes great possibilties.
'It won't happen until it happens.....sometimes you gotta make it happen'
My present to you all is kindness and positivity.