No, I mean: How are you really doing?
The festive Season has ended.
Celebrations and excitement now slipping into the dull drums of January and many are returning reluctantly back to work. Many of you possibly overindulged in food and drinking, but it's Christmas after all. It's expected of us. Am I right? We live by choice remember.
Or were you possibly like me and kept yourself quiet, away from the noise and were selective to where you you went?
I chose to stay humbled and grateful for the small luxuries in life, reflecting on what was happening and at times felt neglected and outcast. But this was all in my mind, my thoughts and not necessarily anywhere near the truth. Christmas throws up so much for us all. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a complete "bah humbug" but I don't like the commercial gluttony of it all.
It can bring up so much for us all, in many different ways.
Maybe all the excitement and sparkle sends you running and seeking solitude, which in turn can draw you further down the dark hole. For some and at times for myself, it can be overwhelming, draining, and yet beautiful all in the same instance and minute. Too much.
A little deep for some maybe, but, those who understand, will understand.
Can I then maybe offer some advice?
Cast your mind back and can you remember my "What If" post from ages back?
Well........"What If..... Maybe?" indeed.
Focusing on the possibilities and having a positive outlook can and will change the outcome.
What I have and what can I do? Not the negative opposites.
Maybe your festive break has been something like this:
Come on, have another drink, or cheer up, what's wrong with you?
Snap out of it!! It's Christmas....,
Remember the answer is never at the bottom of the bottle. Your clarity of judgment and thinking will be affected. You may even speak your mind to the wrong person, which won't help.
Another little tip you may find helpful. I have always said to my kids:
Ask yourself how you would feel if you received what you are about to say.
Remember, we cannot un-hear or un-see what has been heard or seen.
That being said, and maybe it's not gotten me far with work/relationships by being so honest, but being true to myself, and being honest, allows me to sleep well at night.
Know your boundaries and it's ok to say no. Your energy and time, health and well-being, are just as important as anyone else's.
If I fancy an alcoholic drink or chocolate or a biscuit, I will have one, but I don't rely on them. I can take it or leave it. I know the consequences of eating too many. And yet, I prefer feeling energised and healthy, so I choose to say no and exercise. My decision is for me, it's that simple. I don't judge others, so don't judge me. Cycling out in all weathers isn't for everyone, and I have to force myself out the door sometimes. I do question my sanity at times lol. And it's hard work, but the results and goal are far greater than the disappointment I feel for not doing it.
When you know, you know:
Knowing and fully understanding that we are in control of our lives through what we listen to, what we read, who we surround ourselves with and what we eat and drink, affects how we feel, think, react and respond. Ultimately creating our future.
Hey, I'm just being open and honest as always. Reality is hard and harsh. I'm saying it as it is to hopefully help and encourage, do you need to react to someone else's negative energy?
And if you want change, something has to change!!
You decide which, positive encouragement and support or negative feedback and stay where you are. If someone is trying to talk you out of something, it's usually because of their insecurities and their limitations and their lack of belief in themselves. We are a big mass of energy. What we give off affects others and what we feed ourselves gets absorbed into every cell in our body.
I admit, I pulled back over the festive season just to hold onto my energy and not become overwhelmed with the whole, what can be described as 'frenzy', choosing to remain calm and focused on my goals and not allowing myself to be phased by others. Trust me, I was pushed and pulled by my own stuff, things and circumstances, and things that are not within my control, missing out on not being able to see my kids due to distances, ( our choice to live away,) but it affects us all in varying ways. Ultimately, if it's not yours, as in energy or burden and you don't want to be affected by it, don't pick it up. It's not yours to carry. Let it go.
Deal with what's in front of you and not what you think is in front of you and only the things you can control.
So, come on have another drink and cheer up...
Hearing people asking these questions can feel like they are challenging you, and yet their intentions are mostly to bring happiness and joy and celebrate with you. They don't like seeing you down or quiet, they care about you.
Know that being quiet is ok. It allows space and time to process thoughts and put things into perspective. Taking myself out walking or cycling allows me this space to think and be alone.
Another tip is knowing to see the wider picture and the opposite of what you may be thinking. Perspective is looking for the rational answer too.
Sadly, Christmas or even this post, may have triggered a few people and been incredibly unproductive, taking you back further as you tread your healing journey.
But here's a little tip: don't dwell on someone else's opinion or comment.
Pause and remind yourself:
You are in control of your thoughts, how you think, feel and respond.
Calmly acknowledge them, but don't read into it.... let it go.
Find 3 things you are grateful for. However small, it's priceless to you.
Or you may find yourself responding something similar to:
"What the f*** would you know", or "You have no idea what I'm dealing with" or the straight, plain and simple reply of, "F*** off" may suffice, but this isn't you.
Catch yourself doing it and just check in on yourself and how it's making you feel.
Beginning to bubble and fizz, getting hot and angry.
All because of someone's opinion or throw-away comment.
Don't let someone else spoil your time and day.
Either way, any response like this is a sign that, maybe you need some more time and adjustment to process your trauma. And the only person it's affecting is you.
There is no right and wrong way to heal and deal with trauma, depression, and grief.
We all have varying degrees of trauma, hurt, pain, pain thresholds and tolerance, loneliness, sadness, despair, and numbness. Much depends on our resilience and coping capacity on the day and what's being thrown at us. Every day will be different, depending on so many factors. So don't be harsh or hard on yourself.
Reacting from a place of the fight response is never a good place to respond.
Trust me I've been called many things and worse I'm sure, I've been judged, overlooked, put down, dismissed, sentenced and hung out to dry. And that is absolutely fine because I know the truth, I have to remind myself of my worth and my focus is on building my life of positivity and enjoyment. It has been challenging and I often have to pull myself up and check in, as my energy affects those close to me too. I cannot please everyone I meet in life. We are all at different stages and some will possibly never understand me, and again that's fine. It's their journey, their choice.
Plus they don't know the whole story either.
Don't prejudge or jump to conclusions, especially when you don't know the history or reasons.
It has been noticeable how often people will meet you and blurt out negatives, almost in a way to unburden themselves. Just needing to be heard. By all means, listen, but don't absorb it all.
I mean this in a non-selfish way: it's their burden to carry and not yours. We cannot fix everyone. As a coach I am not here to fix people, merely guide so they can fix themselves. Fixing me is the priority. Lead by example and inspire others to follow suit.
I ask again: How are you doing?
Hopefully you will be pausing and thinking slightly differently, allowing the rational part of the brain to respond and be heard.
Everything starts from within ourselves.
Don't make New Year Resolutions.
You have new opportunities and choices every day all the time.
Choose how you want to be, want to live, feel and behave.
The changes are within you just waiting to be freed.
Trauma Energy will suppress your system.
Create the change through gentle exercise and movement.
Remember: Daily Habits become Lifestyles
Over to you......your choice.
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Look after you too
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